EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

I’ve been quite on edge lately due to a blossoming relationship I’ve forged with a colleague at work. He’s given me a fair amount of attention and yes, I’m attracted to him. Unfortunately though- he’s married. I deeply respect the sanctity of marriage, especially that of a black couple, so whilst the temptation is there my faculties are telling me to tread carefully.

The worse thing that could happen would be for a woman to denounce me as a homewrecker and take back the man that was rightfully hers all along.

I was up last night thinking or rather fantasising about having a potential affair at work. Everything is in place for a physical affair, but I know it is not the right thing to do because of my conscience, spirituality and belief in karma.

What keeps me on the straight and narrow is the hope that my partner abroad is being faithful to me and not entertaining other women in the way that this married man is entertaining me.  It’s so difficult to resist, I know the smallest of actions or words can lead to a full blown affair and I don’t want to do that. The reason I won’t offer my body to my colleague is because he is married, I am in a LDR relationship and I promised myself that I would not have sexual relations with somebody undeserving.

Today my colleague told me that if he were not married he would have married me. I tried to gloss over his remark but it was profound. What did this mean?  ‘I’m desirable!’, I thought to myself. As sad as it sounds, it made me realise that I’m of a higher value than I consider myself to be and if things do not work out in my LDR, I AM AS IT STANDS DESIRABLE.

I’ve previously discussed the differences between a physical affair and an emotional affair with friends and my opinion is that an emotional affair is worse. I’m tempted to speak to my partner about what’s been happening as I feel that he may also be going through the same issue, but it might go pete tong. He might put two and two together and figure out why I’ve been so horny lately. He might ban me from speaking to this colleague, who knows. I also do not want to give my power away. I feel it’s best if I just deal with the situation and not speak to him about it.

Advertisements

KARMA SUTRA

A colleague at work recently shared an animated video with me showing various sexual positions based on Karma Sutra .  I watched the first few minutes in his presence and then had to get back to work.

The video naturally aroused sexual excitement within me and a strong desire to be with my man, so I forwarded the video to him to see his response-he loved it. We discuss in text and on the phone the positions that we fancy.  I feel that there is a sense of communion  between us. The celibate lifestyle that we’ve found our self in will allow us to appreciate our physical union when it finally happens. The majority of our conversations now, start or end with a screenshot of our preferred position, it’s light-hearted fun and God knows, that’s what we need. Focusing on the sexual aspect of our relationship, is a welcomed distraction from all the other aspects of our relationship and individual lives that is in turmoil or plagued with issues . I’ve managed to have really intense moments pleasuring myself, whilst fantasising about what we’ll do to each other when we unite in under a week.

Its been a difficult few months being separated by distance but I’m committed to making it work so far as he’s also committed. I’ve decided to slow things right down and put my plans for marriage and children on a back burner. I’ve had lots of people offer me wise advice, mostly about taking my time, and even recently learnt a friends whose marriage was showcased on Facebook has ended quietly. I personally do not see the end of a marriage as a failure if it’s for the right reasons, there are pre-cana (marriage counselling) classes, vows and a declaration of intention that one makes before saying ‘I do.’ So both couples should know and understand its meaning. However, I do not believe that with the one life we have to live, a person should remain attached to someone who is fundamentally no good for them, and I mean at the core is just no good. There are many people in the world who can be ‘the One.’ I choose to consciously love my partner, which means trusting him without evidence, just as I have faith in God without reason, it means putting his needs before my own, which means making sacrifices e.t.c. I’m no philanthropist or humanitarian so I’ll do what I can in this relationship, whilst I can.

It’s been difficult to find suitable advice for people in a LDR, but for me exchanging explicit sexual messages and images, works for that small aspect of our relationship. I’ve been so starved of physical intimacy I know that when we do unite, we’ll appreciate each other’s body, rhythm and scent more and explore each other in ways we haven’t before.

I’ve had a smile on my face throughout the week because as another colleague told me, its good to be single but great to be in a relationship where you can share your joys and overcome hardship together. I feel a sense of joy knowing that someone loves me and thinks about me.

Side note: I’ve been really tempted to make a sex tape with my partner. Why? To remind me of our physical union when we are not together but I know its not the wisest of decisions especially if things turn sour and its revealed. I’m still deciding, even if I delete it after we’ve done it, it won’t fulfil its purpose.